Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
