Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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