Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
should my penis look like a turkey
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
