I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
