Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize