bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
