I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
