he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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