Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
