I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
