The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
