Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
