How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
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