Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
