watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
