Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
