i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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