I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
