I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm too high and old for this...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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