if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
