highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
