I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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