I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I love having hate sex.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize
