Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
