How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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