i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
