Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
