The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
