it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
and you fell through a lawn chair
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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