Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
