Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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