is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
