I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just googled if crying burns calories
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
