I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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