i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
third nipple confirmed
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
