It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
