just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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