what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
