I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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