i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
