It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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