The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
