I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
