So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
