"it" just moved
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
