no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
