I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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