i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
