Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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