if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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