you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
