don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just had sex bonerless
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
