My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
