remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
