OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
