There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
