i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
