Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
