we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
